‘Your gift is where your wound is’.
– Robert Bly
I invite you to stop for a moment and reflect, where are your deepest wounds?
Maybe you already know. Or maybe you are not as lucky as me – to have wounds so obvious that they are unmistakable. My wounds, and therefore, if we are to believe Robert, my gifts, are threefold:
My nine year old sister died when I was eleven. This left me with powerful loss, grief and some guilt even – I wondered if it was somehow my fault – and a feeling of having been abandoned by my best friend.
My father went to prison shortly thereafter, when I was twelve. This cemented my sense of abandonment, with the additional trauma of being betrayed by my father, by the Masculine. Just as I was moving from boyhood to adulthood, when I needed this Masculine guidance the most, I was left to make sense of what it meant to be a man entirely on my own, or only in context of the Feminine, my mother.
The reason my father went to prison was child molestation. Just as I was hitting puberty and starting to feel the sexual desire rouse within me, I was confronted directly by its hideous, tortured aspect by the one that is meant to teach me what to do with it. Of course, I internalized this – I wondered if I might be as sick and perverted as my father was? I became imbued with a deep shame that resulted in my idealizing sex, and remained a virgin until the age of twenty. I wasn’t even able to talk about what I enjoyed sexually with girlfriends, let alone discuss sex and desires with friends or strangers.
These three wounds point to underlying challenges that we all face, although the specifics of each person’s situation are, of course, unique.
Who hasn’t been rocked by grief and heartbreak in life, and asked themselves these questions?
- How do I let go and move on?
- How do I make peace with the pain of impermanence?
- How do I forgive – myself and others?
Who has a clear understanding of manhood, and knows the following?
- What makes an empowered man?
- How do I honor and integrate both the feminine and masculine in the world, and in myself?
- How do I come in line with my integrity?
And who doesn’t have shame around sexuality?
- How do I love and accept myself, and let go of shame and guilt for being a sexual being, for my desires, for my orientation?
- How do I purge the confused values given from society, religion, and culture about sexuality and embrace it’s sacredness?
- How do I master the sexual desire, rather than be a slave to it?
I have asked myself these questions and more, for my entire adult life, dedicated to growth and healing. By no means is my work entirely done. I feel firmly that healing, and spirituality, are a spiral process. Yet I have been able to make real progress in my years of self – examination. The real turning point for me in these aspects was my introduction to YOGA & TANTRA.
With the tools provided by Yoga and Tantra I have been able to step into my power as a man, embrace and explore my sexuality, and come to know real forgiveness and acceptance.
My teachers, friends, lovers, students and clients consistently describe me as passionate, firery, fully of integrity, honest, compassionate, intuitive, patient and loving. I am constantly being told by people that they are surprised how short I am, because I seem so huge.
So if you’re ready to explore and empower your sexuality, your relationship with the masculine, or your relationship with death, grief and impermanence, then let’s go! I am excited to share what I have learned on my journey, the tools and strategies that have allowed me to overcome such adversity and come to a place of power, gratitude and joy!