Ladies, have you ever had one of those soul shaking, hands curling up like t-rex arms, reality-shifting orgasms? The kind where your vision turns into a solid color, you might be screaming, you’re not sure, or you might be entirely silent. Where you see yourself, truly, clearly. Or you see God. And you realize it’s one and the same. The everything and the nothing.
If so, Im willing to bet that when this happened, it didn’t happen in the snap of the fingers. It probably took some time to build up.
Clitoral orgasms can happen quickly, but to have a vaginal orgasm, women generally need 20+ minutes of stimulation. And to get to the level of soul shaking orgasms, women need a long time, perhaps 45 minutes or more.
However, the average man nowadays lasts about five to seven minutes during penetration.
Do the math. See the problem.
So if you’re with a man that lasts the average five to seven minutes it means that, most likely, clitoral orgasms are what you can best hope for. And don’t get me wrong, I know clitoral orgasms are great. How could anything that is called ‘orgasm’ not be great?
However, the deeper orgasms lead to new levels of intimacy, vulnerability, openness, energy and pleasure.
The good thing is that every man can learn to be a stud in bed, it just takes some practice. So if you’re with a man that’s great in every way, but you’d like him to last longer, what can you do? Even if he is currently lasting 20 minutes, how can you help him to last 45 or more? What about two hours of sex, how does that sound?
And how can you do so in a way that doesn’t emasculate him? Men’s egos are notoriously finicky when it comes to the women in their lives, and especially to their performance in the bedroom. So here are some tips on how to help your man last longer in the sack, and to do so while empowering them.
Make him feel manly and build his esteem, outside of the bedroom.
There is an undeniable connection between a man’s sexual prowess and his confidence in life. And guess what, this goes both ways. So if you want your partner to be a better lover, the first place to start is in the everyday. Take a moment and notice – how often are you putting him down subtly, how often are you supporting him and empowering him? Now this doesn’t mean that you need to coddle him – if there is seriously a problem then address it.
However notice if your actions are telling him how strong he is, how powerful he is, how much you trust him, or if your actions are telling him how weak he is, how you can’t trust him, how he never does anything right. And make sure you are telling him with words too. Often women think that they are clearly expressing something to their men, and the men are oblivious. So be obvious and blunt. Don’t lie to him – he’ll feel it, and feel like a fraud. But when he does something that makes you feel taken care of, that builds your trust in him – tell him so. ‘Darling, when you asked for that promotion at work that impressed me so much, made me feel your strength, and that turned me on!’, or ‘when you take care of our yard it makes me feel taken care of’. The more he is empowered and confident in life, and in your relationship, the more he will bring that into the bedroom.
with love and gratitude,